Agario
Agario is a Daxian multinational corporation that specializes in the production and commercialization of food replacement or imitation products and the infamous Daxian Aspic as well as operating its own chain of retail supermarkets and big-box stores. Agario promotes novel products such as acorn coffee, sawdust bread and mud-infused cookies as being low cost but still nutritious alternatives for the monetarily challenged sectors of the general public.
 | |
| Company type | Public |
|---|---|
| AGIO | |
| Industry | Foodstuffs and food retail |
| Founder | Wang Chen |
| Headquarters | , |
Area served | Alshar Crona |
| Products | Food Pharmacy General Merchandise |
| Services | Catering Online Shopping |
| Revenue | $106 billion |
Number of employees | 90,000 |
| Website | www.agario.com.dx |
History
Agario was registered as a corporation in 1994 by Wang Chen, son of then Chancellor Linge Chen. Initially owned by the Mirzak Waste Management Authority, the assets that would form the core of Agario's business model were acquired at bargain prices in 1995, namely four landfills, two waste management facilities, three recycling centers and associated machinery and vehicles. From these sources of material and with a specialized research and development department come most of the products of Agario. The landfills providing an ample source of mud for cookies, biomatter for patties. Edible coal was picked up at the waste facilities or bought in bulk from mines. All through the 1990's Agario would continue to diversify its sources of raw inputs and come to product placement deals with major retail chains and government agencies. In 1996 Agario acquired the patent and rights to Daxian Aspic, vastly increasing its product offer at the drop of a hat. In 2002 Agario received a government loan and used it to acquire the failing retail chain by the name of Yanghui Supermarkets, rebranding the entire chain and introducing its own products while opening new stores in Xisheng. The new Agario supermarkets would begin turning a profit by 2006.
Products
- Aspic - Main article: Daxian Aspic
- Mud-infused cookies - Marketed under the name of 'Ni-Ni', these cookies are made of batter prepared with highly enriched mud, salt and butter. Recommended for children of low income households to supplement mineral deficient diets.
- Tree Flour Bread - Bread made with 85% highly enriched sawdust, packed with all the nutrients of millennia old trees in a single serving.
- Acorn Coffee - An earthy alternative for consumers with caffeine allergies, only the best oak acorns are used for this tasty concotion.
- Edible Coal - Nutritious and inexpensive source of lignite, iron and carbon dioxide essential gases. Can also be used as emergency fuel source and for industrial aromatherapy.
- Fossilium - An alcoholic drink based from crude oil, only for the most daring drinkers. Rich in methane and aromatic hydrocarbons, has a tangy aftertaste to it.
- Mystery Meat - What's it made of? Ho ho ho do not go looking for the answer! A greyish mass visually resemblant of wall putty with little discernible flavor. Sold in myriad presentations including tins, catering blocks and boxes.
- Biocrete patties - A byproduct of Agario's bioconcrete made out of compressed food waste such as orange peels and apple cores. These patties are made out of pressed biomatter resistant to rot, fungi and insects even after exposure to the elements for four months. Contains salt.
- Sea Biscuit - Simple dry and dense biscuits made of flour, water and sometimes salt. If stored dry it can stay intact for decades. Must be moistened to acquire edible properties.
Criticism
The company has come under criticism mainly by activists from outside Daxia who accuse it of a broad range of immoral practices. Agario has been accused multiple times of using roadkill, cadavers turned into powder and chicken refuse to manufacture its infamous 'Mystery Meat' range of products. An article published in Metzetta's Sinmun-seda titled Is Agario's 'Mystery Meat' made out of dead bodies? created a furor in one of Agario's largest foreign markets and drew heavy regulatory scrutiny of the company's practices for a number of years; Agario claimed any presence of 'dead matter' in its products was completely accidental. Similarly many of its 'ersatz' products have been cast by critics as 'having the same nutritional value of chewing on river rocks', 'Edible Coal' is particularly blamed for countless deaths in developing countries due to liver failure; Agario has stood resolutely by its invention with one spokesman commenting that people who die are simply 'not eating it right'.