Party of National Acceleration
The Party of National Acceleration (Latin: Factiosi Acceleratio National; Pelaxian: Partido de Aceleración Nacional; Reform Tainean: Parti des Aselerasiau Nasiaunala) is the self-declared party of the "steelvetines" (cabacerciopeladistas) and "de-education advocates". It was created in 1998 by the punk duo Cabezalito and Basurero in Las Joquis, Castadilla, and took part in every legislative election since the year 2000, each time with a new promise to voters if they vote for them (e.g. de-peached pits in 2000, bottle jetpacks in 2008, cigarette-flavoured soda in 2020, etc.). The official communication organ for the party is the paper Mob Review (Revisión de la Multitud), formerly known as Rich Ignorance (Rica Ignorancia). The name refers to the term accelerationism.
Party of National Acceleration Factiosi Acceleratio National Partido de Aceleración Nacional Parti des Aselerasiau Nasiaunala | |
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| Abbreviation | FAN PAN |
| Leader | Cabezalito and Basurero |
| Founded | 1998 |
| Newspaper | Mob Review |
| Youth wing | Dim Minds |
| Ideology | Commarcho Capitalism Delepasian unremarkablism Loa exceptionalism Navidadian Socialism Pogo Stick Totalitarianism Political satire Proto-disestablishmentarianism Punk ideologies |
| Political position | Fourth Position |
| Colors | Black & White |
Aims
- Right to full unemployment with full pay and benefits
- Transfer the old-age pension to the youth
- Abolition of police outside of the troublemaker area
- Replacement of compulsory education with compulsory de-education
- Re-estupidificación total ("total restupidification") and transition to "broken federalism" in Castadilla
- Abolition of the laws of gravity, physics, and nature
- Renaming the Imperial title to the Grandmaster of Trizonian Castadilla; he will be above the Masters of the Zones
- Require everyone to rock and roll all night and party everyday under pain of deportation to wherever the troublemakers are held
- Legalisation of the possession and manufacturing of all drugs and narcotics
- Abolition of the right to public demonstration with prior announcement (basically meaning that public demonstrations need not come with prior warning)
- Reconstitute the borders of the Viceroyalty from 1502
History
Castadilla's punk subculture was born in the late 1970s from the desire to openly defy the societal expectations and norms enforced by the Estado Social regime. Although no mass demonstration occurred prior to the Velvet Revolution in 1984, many of these early Castadillaan punks who were taking advantage of the liberalising reforms laid out by Nicolas Torres decided to band together and form a punk advocacy group known as the Society for the Advancement of Punks, establishing itself as a resistance group against the regime. After the 1984 Revolution, the nation's nascent punk subculture continued to dabble in the realm of political satire, coming up with many frivolous ideologies.
The party was founded in 1998 by the then-teenage punk duo Cabezalito and Basurero (Butthead and the Trashman), the duo behind Commarcho Capitalism. In the years following it was joined by many punks and demonstrations were organised in some of the country's largest cities, thus attracting lots of publicity. The party soon chose to participate in national legislative elections, succeeding in doing so after sending a petition containing about 50,000 signatures to the Supreme Court of Castadilla. Each election the party has participated in included a main promise should a voter choose them in the election.
Party ideologies
- Commarcho Capitalism - The convergence of communism and anarcho-capitalism, this ideology supports transforming Castadilla into a "triple monarchy" under a system dubbed "broken federalism". One zone is basically a giant Special Economic Zone which finances the entire nation, another zone is essentially a gated community where people are required to have fun all the time, and a theme park zone where the nation's troublemakers are deported to to serve as live exhibits while under guard by the police.
- Loa exceptionalism - A jab at Delepasian exceptionalism and the systemic racism directed against the Loa, this ideology supports turning everyone into Loa in reparation for the years of not being Loa.
- Navidadian Socialism - Based upon pre-revolutionary Navidadia, this ideology fuses together socialism with Navidadian frontierism. This ideology is often linked with Commarcho Capitalism
- Pogo Stick Totalitarianism - Pogo sticks have absolute authority over the nation with the right to have a human handler to tend to their every needs
- Delepasian unremarkablism - Delepasians are not remarkable in the slightest, they are just like most other mestizo Vallosi
- Proto-disestablishmentarianism - Purported to be the "original" form of separating church from state, all forms of religion and their congregations are to be deported to special "religious zones" where they are free to be as religious as they want while ensuring that they will not poison future minds outside of those zones
- Fourth Position - An alternative to the "strictly over-organised" third position, fourth positionism aims to obliterate any and all political interests, claiming that the positions of capitalism, communism, and third positionism have strayed way too far from the ultimate goal of politics. This is the only ideology in the PAN to have found an international audience, mostly consisting of people who have no interest in politics and the None of the Above Group.
Slogans
¡La política es una mierda! = Politics is shit!
¡La educación es una mierda! = Education is shit!
¡El trabajo es una mierda! = Work is shit!
¡Cagar es trabajo! = Shitting is work!
¡Vuelve con Loa! = Return to Loa!
¡La mediocridad mestiza es fuerza! = Mestizo mediocrity is strength!
¡Poder punk! = Punk power!
¡No pasarán gas! = They shall not pass gas!
¡Supremacía del palo pogo para siempre! = Pogo stick supremacy forever!
¡Rocanrol toda la noche y fiesta todos los días! = Rock and roll all night, and party everyday!